a boy and a girl

Every man has a little boy inside of him that desires to be seen for who he is and to hear that he is enough. Likewise, every woman has a little girl inside of her that wants to be seen for who she truly is and deemed beautiful. I believe this. No amount of success, fame, sex, makeup, plastic surgery, cocaine, alcohol, money, recognition, travel, gambling, porn, reading, or knowledge will convince you that you are enough or that you are valued or that you are loved if you don’t value and love yourself. It just won’t. As John Eldredge wrote, “It’s like asking a pearl to give you a buffalo. It’s like asking a field of wildflowers to give you a ’57 Chevy.” It’s not going to happen

You just won’t believe it and therefore it will never be enough. The man that tells you you’re beautiful over and over again won’t be enough if you don’t believe deep in your heart that you are beautiful. If the little girl within you doesn’t accept that and believe it she will come up with the most ridiculous ways in which the man in her life will have to prove it. And then when he does prove it by jumping through an assortment of hoops and running the emotional obstacle course… she’ll just come up with a new one. Because she doesn’t believe it.

In the same way, no matter what kind of success a man has in his career or how much ‘stuff’ he has, he will always want for more if the little boy inside him doesn’t believe that he has what it takes or that he is enough just the way he is. He will continually keep accumulating cars, employees, sexual encounters, etc., with an insatiable appetite because he’s always trying to prove that to himself.

But when you believe that you are enough, that you have nothing to prove to yourself, you gain a sense of freedom that is empowering. It frees you to pursue those purposes that you were created for. It’s a different kind of ‘drive’ and a different way of being. And you can always recognize the person who accepts themself with two very distinct characteristics.

First, they aren’t always trying to win an argument. They don’t care so much about arguments because they are content with the truth that they’ve realized. They aren’t compelled to win because they are right. They are more interested in connecting with other human beings on a deep level and they are all about doing the work they’ve been called to do. Creating is extremely important to them and they’d rather do that than argue with someone. Secondly, their work produces value that benefits others. It doesn’t matter if their work is creating music, repairing cars, or styling hair. It’s done in such a fashion and with such passion that other’s lives are made better because of it.

If you don’t believe that you’re worth being ‘seen’, no amount of overtures will convince you otherwise.. People will break themselves against you trying to convince you that you are loved for who you are. If you don’t believe that you are enough, that you have what it takes, nothing you do or accumulate will prove it to you. You will always feel a sense of emptiness that you seemingly just can’t put your finger on.

Do you have that haunting emptiness? Have your choices repeatedly left you wondering why you do what you do, compulsively at times? Consider that a shift may need to occur where you begin accepting and loving yourself just the way you were created. Give that little girl or boy the greatest gift you possibly could… a little bit of grace.

If you are interested in subscribing to the mailing list and receiving these via email, simply click under ‘subscribe to the mailing list’.

"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance." - Oscar Wilde

"When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier." - Diane Von Furstenberg

"And above all things, never think that you're not good enough yourself. A man should never think that. My belief is that in life people will take you at your own reckoning." - Isaac Asimov

"It's not vanity to feel you have a right to be beautiful. Women are taught to feel we're not good enough, that we must live up to someone else's standards. But my aim is to cherish myself as I am." - Elle Macpherson

An Exercise in Self-Love

2 years ago I made a conscious decision to love myself more and seek active ways to grow my love for myself.  Since then, everything has changed in the most dramatic ways.  I've dealt with some of my greatest heartache and I've experienced some of my greatest joy.  I've left my job, my spouse left me, I've made some remarkable friendships, and I began writing and mentoring professionally.  I'll definitely share in greater detail about that process in the very near future.  I believe the more transparent I am with you, the more powerful your story will become for you and the more inspired you'll be.  But today I want to share a very practical way for you to put some action behind any desire you might have to love yourself more. Stop what you're doing and try this out.  It won't take long, but it's going to be worth it as a practical way to shift your emotional energy and express to yourself that you love yourself.  I learned it from Gala Darling.  Sit down for 10 minutes and write down every compliment that you've ever received.  List them all out.  Now you may think that this will be difficult, but it won't.  When you start, close your eyes, take 2 of the deepest breathes you've ever taken, holding them for 5 seconds at the end of your inhale.  Picture yourself sitting in the field of your choice.  You determine the flowers, the height of the grass or wheat or whatever grows in your field.  The sky is the perfect amount of blue.  Relax... and the memories of the compliments will come to you.  Set your timer for 10 minutes and begin writing down all the compliments you've ever received.  You don't have to have even believed the person telling you the compliment at the time.  But write it down anyway.  When the timer goes off, you're done.

Now, look back over that list and allow those compliments to sink in.  Throughout your day, look back at that list of compliments.  Allow them to hit you with a bit of force.  Often times we don't trust ourselves or what we think.  But if you're looking at a list that was literally created by other people, you may find your emotional energy towards yourself shifting due to the perceptions of other people.  This exercise is not about pumping yourself up or about inflating your ego.  It's about learning how to take a compliment and how to accept it without a fight.  So there is only 1 rule when you look at this list.  You aren't allowed to argue with your list.  As soon as you hear the voice that says, "that's not true about you" or "you don't deserve that compliment", you have to picture that voice being a tiny paper boat floating down a stream and away from you, out of sight.  And then, continue on with the list.  It's that simple.

Stop reading this right now and try it.  Remember to read this list a couple more times today.  I hope it opens up a path for a little more love for yourself to grow.

________________________________________________________

"Who looks outside, dreams, who looks inside, awakes." ~Carl Gustav Jung

"You are very powerful, provided you know how powerful you are." ~Yogi Bhajan

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
"  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Last Person We Forgive, needs it the most

We’ve all been wronged.  We’ve all been taken advantage of and hurt.  We all know that we will have to forgive that person that hurt us at some point.  Most of us are self aware enough to know that if we don’t learn to forgive those who wrong us, it will eventually eat us up inside and cause more harm.  So, often we make the decision to forgive someone before we actually ‘feel’ like forgiving them.  Then, eventually, after we continue to choose forgiveness for that person over and over again, we begin to feel like forgiving them. I know I’m not telling you anything you don’t know.  But what I have found is that there is almost always one person we don’t forgive.  In most cases we don’t forgive this person because we don’t even think about forgiving them.  We may not even be aware that we are angry with, disappointed with, or disgusted with that person.  But we usually are, and that person needs forgiveness too.  I’m talking about forgiving ourselves.

When we’ve done wrong or we feel like we are responsible for harm or pain, emotionally or physically, that has come to someone else, we rarely extend ourselves the grace we would extend to others.  We feel like everyone else deserves a second chance or forgiveness but us.  We feel somehow like the things we’ve done just don’t deserve forgiveness.  But you do deserve it.  You deserve it for all the reasons why everyone else deserves it.  Because there is no healthy way to move forward from hurt and pain or wrong doing until forgiveness is extended.

It’s amazing to me the amount of grace we are willing to extend to other people, yet we aren’t willing to extend it to ourselves.  We don’t like to talk about it in those terms.  So instead we say things like, “I’m just a perfectionist” or “there are just some things I can’t accept from myself, like failure”.  Some of us even wear the term ‘perfectionist’ like a badge of honor, not realizing the perfectionism isn’t possible and only leads to a downward spiral of the psyche and our emotions.

Maybe you’ve made some mistakes.  Maybe people have even been emotionally or physically hurt by your mistakes.  Maybe you meant to or maybe it was completely unintentional.  Maybe you believe that what you’ve done is beyond forgiveness and that you don’t deserve a second chance.  Maybe you’re just becoming aware yourself that you have strong negative feelings toward yourself.  Whatever the case may be, I know a way forward.  Choose to forgive yourself.  You don’t have to feel like it.  You don’t have even have to want to do it.  Simply choose that you’re going to forgive yourself.  And maybe as you choose to forgive yourself over and over again, you’ll one day FEEL like forgiving yourself.  It’s a start down a wonderful path.

________________________________________________________________________

Today I choose to forgive myself for anyone I may have intentionally or unintentionally hurt.  I release myself of any and all anger or disappointment that I have with myself.  I deserve forgiveness.