The Pleasure and the Pain

There is so much to be said and written about concerning having the courage to be honest with ourselves.  Navigating the path of being present with our own feelings and owning them.  There is so much more to be explored on the topic of staring fear and pain directly in the eye of our own soul and not flinching or closing off to it.  For some this is much easier than for others.  Some of us have been formed and trained from the time we were tiny babies to face reality and to be present with all emotions.  But most of us, if we are honest, would rather not face our fears and pain head on. We have learned over time to close ourselves off from pain and fear.  We text, we skype, we chat, we drink, we smoke, we enter relationships, we exit relationships, we shop, we consume, we eat, we facebook, we do anything we can do in order to stop feeling pain as soon as we recognize it in our life (yes I recognize a run-on sentence when I see one too).  This is what addiction is all about.  Avoiding pain and fear.  Unfortunately, when we minimize the pain in our lives we also minimize the joy and elation as well.  As researcher Brene Brown has so eloquently and poignantly expressed in ‘The Gift of Imperfection’, we cannot mitigate some emotions and stay open to others.  We are either suppressing all of our emotions/feelings or we are embracing all of emotions/feelings.

It is not possible to hide from pain and fear and yet at the same time embrace Joy and Love.  It cannot be done because it doesn’t work that way.  If we want to be filled with Joy and Love, we must be willing to go to our pain and to our fears.  We must beg for the courage to look our pains and fears directly in the eye and not blink.  We must be willing to sit with that pain and fear and grow comfortable with it.

This is not easy.  If you try this and you aren’t used to it, you will quickly feel overwhelmed and have the sensation of a hot white fire rising up deep from within your chest.  You will probably believe that you’re going to have a meltdown.  Maybe you should back off at that point… just for a little while.  Maybe you need to find a good friend or professional to help you through this process.  But we must return to those things that we have shut ourselves off from for so long or they will forever be embedded in us.  We’ll wonder why we do the things that we don’t want to do.  Why we hurt the people we don’t want to hurt.

Acknowledging our pain, sitting with it, and then working through and past the pain is the only way to move forward.  And if this thought makes you sick to your stomach or seems ridiculous to you… you probably have some pain to acknowledge.

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“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”

Brene Brown

"Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.  Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy--the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.  Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

Brene Brown

Now is the time for this lesson

I have spent a good portion of my life trying to control the world around me in order for me to feel better about myself and safe and secure.  The problem with living my life that way is that I spent so much energy trying to control the ‘world’ around me that I didn’t have the energy to actually enjoy and live my life.  I had set the conditions of my life so that I could only be happy if certain things in my life were a certain way.  This meant I spent my energy trying to control friends, co-workers, strangers, housing, family, environment, food, etc. (like I said, pretty much anything in the world around me).  What I have recently learned is that if I let go of trying to control the comfort level of my life and trust that the Divine will provide what I need, I have a vast amount of energy because I’m not spending it trying to re-arrange the world!  As I look back, I believe God has been trying to teach this lesson of trust and letting go for many years now. As I recognize that the Divine has been trying to teach me this for years, it is easy for me to begin to feel shame and regret for not learning this lesson earlier.  I can easily get down on myself for not being smart enough or disciplined enough or aware enough or ______________ enough.  You fill in the blank, I’m sure you’re as adept at criticizing yourself as I am at myself.

But this is the beauty of lessons the Divine is trying to teach us and wants us to learn.  It doesn’t matter if this is the first time you’ve come across the lesson (the one the God has for you) or if you have come across it 1,000 times… now is the time to receive it.  It is here before you now so that you can learn from the lesson and grow.

Sometimes we learn these lessons only to realize that we already knew this, deep within ourselves.  We say, “oh yeah, I knew that.  I can’t believe I forgot such a valuable principle.”  It’s like finding an old toy in the attic and remembering how fond of it you were and its new all over again with that same sense of awe and fascination.  Or, we learn the lesson and it blows our mind and we wonder, how have I never been confronted with this truth before?  How has this never been revealed to me until now?

But whatever the circumstance, don’t play the shame game.  Don’t regret that you haven’t learned it before.  Just remember that the only truly important thing about the lesson is that regardless of how many times its been laid before you, now is the time to pick it up.  Now is the time to learn the lesson.

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What are the lessons before you these days?  What is the Divine bringing up within your heart?  What life experiences have brought you to this place at this time to learn this lesson?

Don't Engage... Be Present

Full disclosure... I am unmistakably a believer.  In this space I often use the term 'The Divine' to refer to the Higher Power.  Please allow yourself to replace 'The Divine' with how you've come to know and understand God. ______________________________________________________________________________________

The world has a funny way of bumping into us and completely changing our inner state of being.  One moment we’re happy and content, going through our day, and then BAM!  Someone that we really don’t feel good being around runs into us with the kind of passing comment that can immediately derail us.  We end up having 4 or 5 different conversations with that person in our head for the rest of the day.  Maybe we tell them off.  Maybe we logically box them into a corner and then knock them out with the tremendously practiced words we’ve worked so hard to come up with.  All in our head of course, but knock them out none the less.  The problem with this is that it takes up a tremendous amount of energy and time throughout the day!  Also, we rarely end up having a conversation with the person, let alone along the vein of what we’ve rehearsed in our minds.  There is another way, a way that doesn’t take our entire day hostage.

As painful and uncomfortable moments arise during our day, and they most certainly will, we must be aware that we are experiencing those feelings.  Don’t engage them or try to change the world around you in order to make yourself feel more comfortable.  Don’t spend your energy immediately, trying to do whatever it takes to make those feelings and pain go away.  Instead, sit in rest and relaxation, being fully present with those feelings and allowing the old, hidden, suppressed pain that rises up to come up fully and release itself.  This will take a tremendous amount of faith in the Divine.  Faith that the Divine won’t allow us to be swallowed up by that pain.  Faith that the Divine will provide for us emotionally what we need at that time.

When someone or some circumstance bumps into you and makes you extraordinarily uncomfortable, ask yourself… What is it I’m feeling?  Inadequacy? Insecurity? Fear? What is behind that feeling?  More of the same?  Or something different.  Let yourself be purified and healed as you allow yourself to go through the uncomfortable moments of fully recognizing your pain and discomfort emotionally, instead of suppressing those experiences and hiding from the truth. The Divine will care for you in those moments, even when its painful.  You will come out the other side with great clarity and confidence of the Divine within your heart.  It is only after you have been fully present with your discomfort and pain and that it has passed by without you being wrapped up in it, that you will have the clarity to decide what it is, if anything, that you want to change in your life.  Maybe you just needed to have those emotions come up so that you could be fully present with them and allow those emotions to slip away.  Or maybe when life bumped into me they came up to show me things about myself that I would like to change on a deep level.

One thing is for sure, if you spend your energy trying to keep yourself comfortable all of the time, you will be left with an empty life that is full of busy work and controlling/manipulative behavior… completely unaware of what is truly going on deep within your own heart.  NO THANK YOU!

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Today I will allow myself to have the courage to trust The Divine and relax as problems arise throughout my day.  I won't hide from the discomfort or the pain that bump into me today.  Instead, I will take a deep breathe, sit with my discomfort and ask myself... what is being revealed within me?  Why is this so uncomfortable?  How can I move forward?  I will trust The Divine will provide the way for me.

Divine Messengers

All knowledge and inspiration comes from the Divine, regardless of the shape or form of the messenger.  The messenger only delivers the message.  The truth that is revealed is from the true Source of all creation.  So does it matter what the messenger looks like?  Does it matter what they smell like or what their pedigree is?  Does it matter what they believe or teach in entirety?  Does it even matter if they are aware that they are delivering a message from the Divine?  No.

It only matters that we are open to receiving the message from the Divine.  It only matters that we listen from the place of being centered within so that we may hear the Divine whispering to our hearts and revealing to us that what this person, place, or circumstance is actually doing is bringing a needed, timely message from the Divine.

How many Divine whispers of love, encouragement, wisdom or truth have we missed because we immediately dismissed the messenger?  We took one look at the person in front of us and allowed the mess and confusion from within to drown out what the Divine was trying to breathe into our lives?  How many times has our prejudice of a circumstance screamed over that still small voice speaking within?  How often has the unease of our circumstance and the way we’ve tried to close our selves off from the world to avoid pain or remain comfortable, completely shut out the message that the Divine was trying to get across?

What if every moment of every day was the Divine trying to love with us?  Trying to connect with us?  Trying to flow through us?

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Today I will keep my heart open so that as life bumps into me, instead of seeing a painful interruption, I will have an open heart and open ears and open eyes to receive the message that the Divine is sending me.  I will trust that the Divine will go to any lengths and use any messenger that it takes to reach my heart.